


A Letter from Chanyeol To Kyungsoo

by Cutestchanyeoll



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 22:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14388603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cutestchanyeoll/pseuds/Cutestchanyeoll
Summary: Park Chanyeol writes a letter to his husband Kyungsoo just before their divorce.





	A Letter from Chanyeol To Kyungsoo

**Author's Note:**

> This story is not originally mine.This was written by one of my friends few years back for some other fandom but I so hope she doesn't mind me sharing this coz I haven't talked to her for ages and may not talk ever again.Whereever she is I love her.I have made few Changes except that it's almost the same.I hope to share this to you guys and I hope you like it

Kyungsoo,

 

I know I haven't used a salutation before your name.After all, what can I say that will not spark off immediate protest from you? Dearest seems quite  
banal when talking about you, although it does apply.  
If I use beloved, you will get angry, and l have had  
enough of accusations. Any other words I want to use,  
will meet the same fate, so best to simply leave it. Why  
am | writing to you? You won't get to read this anyway-  
but write it I must. Sounds stupid? Ah well, that's me  
when it comes to you. See, you have thwarted me yet  
again. Yes, thwarted! l was all set on a course of  
action. l was leaving - the recent drama culminating in  
our families discussing our divorce, as if talking about  
the state of Seoul's roads, was too much, even for  
me. So I decided to take off for a while, leaving letters  
for the chosen few in our family. Yes, I said "our"- it is  
howl think of us, even if you don't.

 

 

That is why it comes to this- because I irrevocably joined us together in my heart and soul, knowing full well that there is no "us" or "our" for you. You think of it  
as "yours"- your Mom and Dad ,your career  and  
so on. Oh, I don't think you are selﬁsh, like you accused  
yourself of being recently, or not in the typical sense of  
that word. After all, someone who constantly puts his  
family before himself and spends every iota of his  
energy in resolving messes his loved ones have  
created, cannot be dismissed as selﬁsh in that  
context. No- your psyche is a lot more complex than  
that. You are a genuine oddity Kyungsoo. You have  
elevated the needs of those you love to a pedestal so  
high, that even if you were to spend an eternity  
worshipping at that altar, it would be to no avail. For  
you see, those Gods are too caught up themselves to  
listen to a supplicant like yourself. I know you don't  
want to hear this, won't like to hear it- but that may be precisely why you need to. I know your family loves And you too, each in their own way and in varying degrees,  
but they are all still living their own lives, one way or  
other. But you Kyungsoo- what about you? When do  
you think about what you want from your life, for yourself?

Thinking like that is not called being selﬁsh, it is merely  
self-preservation or call it survival, if you will. A  
concept I know you really struggle with. One of the  
main reasons you fail to grasp what I am all about,  
except when it comes to you. See, I am not an idealist  
like you; realism has ever been my boon and my curse.  
I see things the way they are. I have that ability to strip  
the gloss away from something and recognise the true  
quality of what lies beneath. You tend to view the world with a romanticism that both stuns me with its innocence, and at the same time, makes me despair.

It is something I both love and hate about you. I love it as  
it is you, and each part of you is precious and dear to  
me. The reason for hating it is merely the knowledge  
that it has the capacity to wound you, as it has done so  
many times already, and anything that causes you  
pain, I want to destroy. My conundrum though, is that I  
cannot shatter anything that is part of you. That is  
why, I go along with you, in every hare-brained scheme,  
in each ridiculous charade you set us on the course of,  
regardless of the fact that I know it will lead to  
heartache and hurt, mainly for me, but for you too.

 

However, you have  
blind faith in this- you told me so and l have come to  
recognise that implacable resolve in your eyes when it  
comes to your pet projects. Nothing I say will shift you  
from the course of action you have deemed necessary  
and we both know that without me, you cannot chart  
the road ahead. You are no strategist, and no matter  
how expert a warrior Arjuna was, without his  
charioteer, the course of Kurukshetra could not be  
navigated successfully. Hence, I have to walk that path  
with you and I do so, as I have little choice.

Many would scoff at that. There is, after all, always a  
choice. Why I myself made one a few days ago- the  
choice to walk away, leave you all to it, to play your  
endless games with each other, some with good intent,  
some not. Yet, once again, when it comes to you, all  
my carefully laid plans turn to dust. How the mighty  
are fallen! Park Chanyeol - who prides himself on his reason, his ability to take the harshest of the decisions with pragmatism,his resolve is again brought to knees by tiny elfin boy,who holds his heart and soul in his delicate hands. I guess I have been slave of love before and always.

 

The letters that label my calendar years are BK and AK,  
rather than BC and AD- Before Kyungsoo and After Kyungsoo.  
You only have to look at the way in which Do Kyungsoo   
managed to disarm me and diverted me from my path  
of mindless destruction without even really trying.  
Meeting him,knowing him and falling in love with him,  
even before I recognised the love, was the drug that  
gave me both panacea and pain.

You see Kyungsoo, I cannot let you go. No matter how  
much I want to and I do want to, as this unrequited  
love for you is like slow poison seeping through me  
drop by drop, each day. But, it is beyond that. You are  
as essential to me as breathing. lt transcends having  
you physically present with me, although the torment  
of not having you there is excruciating, but I mean that  
you are now part of my very being. Separating you  
would be akin to tearing my own heart out; I could not

survive it. Therefore, I choose to stay, as your friend,overlooking your various injustices and petty hurts you inflicted,because the choice is not really a choice. I know I affect you.If I did not ,you would never take the   
liberties you take with me. How can the Kyungsoo who is  
almost non-existent when it comes to others' wants  
and wishes, unilaterally decide to sacriﬁce mine and  
expect involvement from me each time? I told you  
yesterday that you had the right to behave as you did  
with me- the fact that you exercised that right actually  
speaks volumes to me.

Oh, I know you are entirely oblivious to what you have  
done and unknowingly indicated in so doing. If I told  
you, by word or action, you would run faster than I  
could say "Jongin " (pun intended), which is why I  
simply smiled and overrode your constantly prickly  
conscience, which ﬁnally flared up on my behalf too.  
Did you think l was blind to the irony of you saying that  
some relationships are pre-destined and God himself  
sets their paths in motion? How you have such belief  
in that for Baekhyun and Jongdae, but totally fail to apply  
the glaringly obvious analogy to us, is all part of your  
utter incognisance about your own feelings and your utter in cognizance about your own feelings and your destiny.Staggering really, but not when one comes to  
know you as l have done. Only you Swara, could state  
that as Suho and Kris's marriage could not be prevented despite all our efforts,it has to be fated,and not connect this to another marriage that also happened ,despite multiple efforts to stop it -ours!.So I did what my instinct told me to-  
 | bound myself to you  
once again, for something I believe is pointless. I did  
this simply because it will give you happiness and my  
happiness is now totally parasitic on yours.

I know I cannot make you love me, just as I know you  
cannot make Kris love Suho in as much as he  
could not make him love him.  
Yet, I can stand with you and try to keep you from  
harm .

Aristotle said, " _There is no remedy for love but to love more"_.

I pray that I am strong enough to withstand what  
awaits me. The agony of being around you without  
being able to hold you like I want to, kiss you  
senseless, make you my husband in every sense of the  
word, will be agonising. The pain of knowing you do  
not, will not, return my love will dance an endless waltz  
with the pleasure of having you with me, being able to  
see your face ﬁrst thing when I wake and the last thing  
before I sleep, of being able to talk to you, make you  
laugh and dry your tears and simply just be there for  
you. ljust wish you would open your eyes and really  
see- see the possibilities we have, the chance to make  
our little heaven for ourselves, but fortune does not  
always favour all those who dream of it. Yet, | cling on-  
to the vestiges of a frail hope that took root when you  
asked not to get divorced. Oh, I know why you did that,  
l have more than delved into that above, but I heard

something on radio the other day that has stayed with  
me:

 _"_ _They say a person needs just three things to be truly_  
happy in this world: someone to love, something to do,  
and something to hope for."

In that case then, bliss is mine and I will see this  
through.

Forever only yours,

Chanyeol

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive Criticism always welcomed.Do say how you found it.


End file.
